Some time ago, on regular call with my coach, I was telling her how many things are on my to-do list and how I don’t know how I’ll do everything… I went on and on and on about all the should’s and must’s and have-to’s. So she asked me a simple question:
Whose thoughts are these?
It stopped me mid-sentence, and after a minute (or so) of silence, I realised:
It’s me putting all this pressure on myself.
- I felt guilty spending my time with kids.
- I felt incompetent comparing myself to others and what they achieve.
- I bit myself for taking time for myself.
- While walking our dog, I thought about the things I still need to do.
- I worried what others will think of me…
It was me and me alone, doing this to myself.
Have you ever had a really nasty evil boss? The one that yelled at you. You never did anything right. He pointed out all the things that are wrong with you. And even when you did something great, he pointed to all the flaws and mistakes you made. He found ways to put you down.
Well… this and so much more was my own inner boss.
She was taking over whenever I took time off.
She was pushing me to be more and do more. She was reminding me of all the things I should be doing. And rubbing into my nose the things others were doing. Showing me achievements I should look after. The results I should achieve. The work I should do. The time I should devote to. She expected me to work overtime and think about the »job« 24/7.
My inner boss was blaming and shaming, commanding and pointing at my flaws.
And I let her.
The more fun I had, the louder she was. When I took time off, she hummed in the background. And me, being a good girl, I listened and added more and more things to my to-do list.
It took me years to realise, that some items on my list will never happen. I don’t want them. Some things I will never do. Some dreams were not really mine.
Sounds familiar? I’m sure it does. When I realised, she was taking over my whole life, I fired her. It was not easy, and she still tries to boss me around, but now I know her and I don’t let it happen again.
Worrying doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles. It takes away today’s peace.
So… how do you fire your (inner) boss?
Step 1: Get to know your enemy!
What makes her tick? Identify situations and events where your inner boss is the loudest. See the patterns and what triggers them. What are you feeling and why?
Step 2: Take responsibility!
Make sure you know it is YOU who allow her to be the boss. Not your kids, not your husband, your mother, nor friends or neighbours. You have the ideal model of you in your mind, that you feel you need to reach. Not that you want it all, but you see yourself as not enough if you don’t. You compare to others and accept the standards set by yourself.
Step 3: Take back your power!
Have a little talk to yourself. Acknowledge and forgive yourself for all the pressure you put yourself to. Thank your inner boss for all the work, because honestly, some of it might be good for you. Then lovingly let her go. Set new rules and boundaries that fit YOU. Live in the now and enjoy your life.
Step 4: Shrink your to-do list
Go over the tasks on your to-do list and delegate or delete some you don’t want or don’t like. Don’t compare to others. Accept that you’ll never do certain things. And it’s perfectly OK. Why would you want something because of others? Why would you do something because others are doing it?
Be honest to yourself and appreciate your choices, because you want them and not because you should.
Take it one step at the time.
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Here is another exercise you can do right now. Write down at least 10 (or more) things/events/situations that you think you SHOULD do. Cross over the things, that are really important and you know you MUST do them. Cross over all the things you’d really LIKE to do, but didn’t get to them yet.
What’s left? What can you do about those? Can you delegate? Delete them altogether?
It's your choice! Take control and never again let your inner boss push you around. Click To Tweet
p.s. If you need help with claiming back your life and creating your dream life, schedule FREE discovery session with me and find out how I can support you.
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