The fine art of balancing the flow and the push




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The fine art of balancing the flow and the push

Being in the flow… the always eluding ideal of every person creating their dreams. The state where everything is easy, flowing, coming together. Where we can just BE and enjoy, no matter what we are doing. But what does “being in the flow“ actually mean? Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi in his book Flow describes flow as being consciously in inner harmony with whatever you’re doing.  In order to experience these periods of being ‘in flow’ Mihaly’s studies have found that the following eight major components need to be in place:

  1. We confront tasks we have a chance of completing;
  2. We must be able to concentrate on what we are doing;
  3. The task has clear goals;
  4. The task provides immediate feedback;
  5. One acts with deep, but effortless involvement, that removes from awareness the worries and frustrations of everyday life;
  6. One exercises a sense of control over their actions;
  7. Concern for the self disappears, yet, the sense of self emerges stronger after the flow experience is over; and
  8. The sense of duration of time is altered.

For a more in depth understanding, I’d definitely recommend you check out Mihaly’s TEDx talk.

But… as much as we’d love to be in the flow all the time, it’s not possible. Sometimes you have to force it, push through and even suffer a little.  Even if we see flow and push as two opposite sides of creation process, they are more connected than you might think. It’s like night and day, good and bad, up and down – you can’t have one without another. The better we embrace the everlasting cycle of creative process and manage to navigate through ups and downs, the easier our life will be.

Every creative process (and by creative I mean everything we create – art, literature, building, business… ) has 3 stages:

The dream stage.

That’s the phase, when we got an idea, we get excited about it, we see limitless possibilities and we often jump into creating. We don’t think about all the steps, skills and resources needed, we don’t worry about obstacles and setbacks. We believe everything is possible and we are on top of it. We are in love with our idea and what it promises. We proceed with great enthusiasm.

The reality stage

That’s when the reality hits. We encounter problems, we need to do things that we are not comfortable with (yet), we need to step out of our comfort zone.  And true to law of attraction, similar ideas start popping left and right. We question ourselves. We start doubting. We compare to others doing the same or similar things. We fear we are not good enough, not skilled enough, not (insert almost anything).  This is the point when most quit. They loose the momentum and it doesn’t feel like flow anymore. It feels like struggle and hardship. That’s when we need to push, force the action, change the mindset, and start becoming something more. I must emphasise here not all ideas are meant to me. Sometimes we get excited for wrong reasons, sometimes it’s not the right time and sometimes it’s not the right idea. It’s ok to let it go, when it feels off. Not because it’s hard, but because it’s not aligned with what we want.

The winning stage

You got over the hurdles, you learn and the actions become easy, you are confident about completing the creation. You are back in the flow, thrilled about the progress. You see the finish line and you start to feel the excitement of completed project. Although it seems that each stage has the energy of it own, you can experience both flow and push in every stage. The real art is combining the two to make the most of it and use them to your advantage rather than allowing it to stop you. 

The happiest people spend much time in a state of flow – the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience itself is so enjoyable that people will do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Here are some ways you can invite more flow when you feel there is too much force required and to force when your flow stops. First, let’s see how we can stay more in the flow, even when we experience some setbacks or problems:

The WHY is the motivation force behind everything we do. It’s the outcome, the desired state that we are aiming for. Ask yourself constantly, WHY you are doing it. You can even set reminders on your phone, write on post-it notes or create a vision board. That will help you remember the initial excitement and see beyond the problems.

Stop what you are doing and imagine your outcome, the end result. Include yourself in the image, being congratulated for the job well done, receiving an awatd (if that’s what you want), celebrating with your friends… Feel it, see it, touch it, smell it. Include all your senses and make it real as possible.

Always a great reminder, no matter what you do. Be grateful for what you have. Write gratitude journal. Say “Thank you!” over and over. We all have so much to appreciate and love in our lives.

You know how we get best ideas under shower? It’s because we relax and we are not fixated on the problem, rather we focus on the simple task we do every day. Step away from your project and do something you enjoy doing. Go out. Take a walk. Dance a little. Cook if you love that. Talk to a friend.

I’m not talking about stretching your body (in fact,  that would help too), I’m talking about stretching your mind and your skills. Take the next small step that is slightly uncomfortable but you know you can do it. And keep doing it. One step at the time. 

What else would you add to this list?

 But what if we enjoy the dreaming stage too much? Or when we get to the point where we need to step out of our comfort zone? Do something that’s not familiar and comfortable? Learn new skill or experience the unknown?  Here are few ways you can force the action even when you don’t feel like it:

The best way out is always through.

Robert Frost

Sometimes not thinking about our next step too much, but embracing it and go ahead, is the best option. I know I’m often guilty of overthinking and overcomplicating things. I’m stuck in the “worry mode” instead of getting over with. Often we spend way more time stressing about something than it would take to do it.

Maybe it’s not the action itself, maybe it’s something connected to that action. For example, you don’t dread working out, but you don’t like the drive to the gym. You resist getting off the sofa and dress up. When we get over the first step, it sets us into the motion and we are good.  The best way I found to overcome both is the 5 second rule. It’s simple. You count down 5,4,3,2,1 and then you go. Your brain’s main job is to avoid trouble and risk, so in less than five seconds it will persuade you to abandon your idea. Unless you beat it. For more, watch the The 5 Second RuleTEDx talk by Mel Robbins. 

Set the timer to stick with your task. You will know it’s for only 10, 15 (or 25) minutes and it will feel it’s doable and achievable. Once you’ll begin, you will often find you can’t stop when the timer gets off, you’ll get into the flow and keep going.

Everything in our life works in cycles. Every year, month, week, day we go through ups and downs. If you know when you perform best at certain activities, you can group together similar tasks that require that energy. Maybe you can better focus on writing in the morning. Or perhaps you are most productive in the afternoon. Schedule your tasks together to fit your day, not only to use your rhythm better, but also to not jump from one task to another. You could write few articles at the same time, or organise meetings one after another.

Have someone you can talk to, someone that can help you see the next step, someone that will support you and listen to your struggles. It could be a friend, a family member or even better, a professional, who knows how to guide you. And last, but definitely not least:

My philosophy has always been that if you can dream it, you can achieve it. You can’t think of something that you are not capable of realising. So believe in yourself, believe you got what it takes and you can make happen anything you put your mind into.  Just remember, in whatever you want to create… there is a process, a cycle, a route you must take to do it. You’ll encounter ups and downs, excitements and disappointments, wins and failures. They are all part of the whole creation called life. Embrace it! Enjoy it! Love it! Live it!

To your dreams, 

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